Stars and Lights: A Song of Tears, Pain & Hope.
NB: This was written this time last year but I never had the courage to publish it. A year later I still don’t have the courage to publish it but if Promise was here he will say “Fuck it and publish it!”. So yeah. Fuck it!
Dear Promise,
Where have you gone to, Promise? Is it where Angels fly, with stars and lights? When will I see your face again? Is it the end of time or will you give me a call and say “Milton, why are you crying? I was only joking jare. So you guys can’t sense sarcasm?”
As I write this my eyes are swimming in tears. I don’t know what to feel. When I heard about your demise I was numb and confused. My feelings were lost, all I could feel was nothing because hearing that you’ve transcended to the other side came as a shock not just to me but to everyone.
First of brother, I want to apologize to you. This year has been a handful for me. I decided to put a pause with my professional career so I can be done with school with a good guess what, Bro? I finished with a 2'1. Hahahaha. I know this makes you so happy and if you were here today you’d have made a big deal about it and celebrate with me like you were the one that got the certificate. So I am sorry that I wasn’t there with you when you needed me because if only I had made out time to hang with you when you wanted us to, you might just have shared a thing or two with me because I had a strong feeling that you really wanted to tell me something but things like that couldn’t be spoken over phone. My brother I am so sorry. I am deeply sorry. I know right now you’d be saying “Milton, abeg it’s fine joor. I understand” but I wish could hear you saying that right now and not just imagine voices in my head.
Promise, let me be sincere with you. I am angry just so you know. I am really angry. This really hurts me. Why will you leave so soon? At the prime of your youth when you were just about to experience an exponential leap in your life and career. Oh we have lost you to the cold hands of death. Promise Excel, I am hurt and heart broken. This really isn’t how I planned to end my year. I know you have told me to stop crying (at least whenever I think about you, I see you smiling and telling me that you are fine and you are happy where you are). You’ve told me that you are in a better place and that’s my only consolation. That’s the only reason I am at Peace with myself right now.
But still, I won’t be able to hug you again and have you around me. Do you remember the first time we met? It was some 2 years ago at NLP Push Port Harcourt. Immediately we met it was like David has found Jonathan all over again. I felt like we had known each other in my past life and our souls are meeting each other again. It was still this period that I got certified as a life coach and even if it was just a udemy certification, you celebrated me like I just finished from Harvard Business School.
Promise, do you remember when I invited you and Paul Confidence to my place for lunch? That was the first time I was ever in close contact with you. We spoke about Business and how we can help each other. We even planned a Masterclass that we never got to have. lol. We planned a lot of things together that we never got to do eventually.
As I write this I remember when I called you on my Birthday last year. It was almost nightfall but you told me “Milton, anything for you” I asked you to get me a gift on your way coming and you got me something I really cherish so much. That birthday was one of the best I have had in my life and you were one of the people that made it special for me.
I told my parents about your demise and my whole family is still in shock because you never miss a celebration we have in our family. Even my most eldest brother, that calls you Majid Michael was heart broken when I broke the news to him.
They say God’s time is the best but I know that this wasn’t your time but what do I know? Who am I to question God but…..I have questions…
Promise do you remember when you came to Lagos to grace an event? That was your first time going to Lagos and you were nominated for an award. Mennnnn you are really phenomenal. Even though you didn’t win the award but still you were so happy because you were nominated
You were so scared because it was getting late and you had to go back home so you’d leave on time for your trip back to Port Harcourt the next day. I had to take you a picture before you boarded your danfo back home.
This was supposed to be a throwback picture when you finally win The Future Awards Africa for New Media. You didn’t make it but I promise to dedicate that award to you when I get it.
Promise! I just remembered something! Do you remember that day I you and Paul Confidence planned on going to TedX UniPort together from my place. Paul promised to drive us down there and I volunteered to fuel the car but few minutes to when we were supposed to leave my home, Paul said he wanted to check up on his client that stays close to my home and he will be back in 30 minutes and that 30 minutes turned to an hour. We were so pissed that we had to jump taxi to get to UniPort for the event. We got in there with our dreadlocks. Looking all gangersterlish. Paul called us later to apologize and we accepted his apologies. He met us up at the event center but left few minutes to the close of the event that he was going to be back in few hours but Paul bailed on us again so we had to jump taxi again back to my place. We were so angry at Paul for disappointing us twice. Funny enough, I am really grateful Paul bailed on us because we got to spend more time together and we really laughed a lot. When we got home Paul added us to a group chat to apologize to us (he couldn’t come back to my place that night) and we both decided to ignore him and we were laughing at him. Paul we were laughing at you oo. I am in Ibadan come and beat me. Promise is in Heaven. You can ask Jesus to slap him for you. 😂😂😂
Bro we had so much good times together, Men!!! I am so hurt, bro!!!
A year later…
Promise, I wrote this tribute to you last year but never had the guts to publish it or even finish writing it. It has been a year already. Your death came as a shock to everyone. As I write this to you on the 29th of October 2020, I am in tears. I never knew I buckled so much emotions in me when you left and right now I am just crying all over again like you left yesterdaty. There is a space in my heart no one has occupied since you left. I hope I will be able to find solace but knowing that you are in a better place and hearing you say “Milton I am fine. Stop crying” gives me comfort.
A lot has happened in 2020. From Corona to #EndSars Protest. Guess what? I finished my NYSC this year and also launched a software company called Square Academy. If you were here you’d have supported me all the way to the end of the world (which you did, eventually).
Promise do you remember when we met at that Coffee shop in GRA? When I was about launching my first book and I was confused on how to set up my online payment gateway. Do you remember? You helped me to do it. We spent almost 2 hours trying to get it done and we did it. Sorry not we, you did it because I didn’t know jack about the internet or online marketing back then. You even bought the book and you were the first person to buy the book so it hurts me so bad to know that the first person to buy my ever first published body of work has transcended.
I can remember when I kept on asking you about copywriting and you will always send me resources that will help me. I was a crap copywriter then but you believed in me and supported. Promise, I have gotten way better at copywriting, Man! Bro! I have gotten better and it hurts me to know that you are not here to criticize my copy.
Writing this brings so many memories back. You remember when we both went to TedX Uniport on dreads because we wanted to go against the norm on how people should look like? Promise that was really cute but in this current Nigeria I can’t try it again o before SARS pull a trigger on me.
My brother, I miss you. I miss you big time. I have been in tears and pain since you left but right now I am hopeful for the future because there are better days ahead and you will want me to let go and live. I promise to do just that.
You lived a phenomenal life and you can never be forgotten.
Cheers to forever.
I love you, Promise.
Your Brother,
Milton Tutu.
